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the girl i love

by Zackery Alfheim

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1.
2.
i want a kid 01:06
i want a little kid who says she wanna swim in hot lakes and run around till she's tired enough to sit down for picnic with her dad, yeah just her dad cause she's adopted cause i'm fucking lonely and there's no other way for me to have a kid and if i can't adopt then i'll have a cat and if i don't get a cat then at least i'll have these songs to dream about something called happiness something i will never have it seems yeah, i want a kid
3.
why is everything about you? why can't i think about anything else why are all these songs about you? i just want to feel okay and live a normal fucking life god, i hate this so much god, i hate this so much i used to think that you loved me i must have misunderstood i used to think that you loved me i must have misunderstood i used to think that you loved me i guess i must have misunderstood
4.
you sleep in someone else's arms what a painful thought it makes me stay awake all night with a trillion tears in my eyes you've taken my life what more do you want? my darling little floating ghost always floating above my head and always inside of my heart or where i should have a heart now it's just an empty hole for your ghost to crawl and cradle up for all eternity i hope that it's warm in there i don't want you to be cold i don't want you to feel bad you used me and i don't know what for you destroyed me and left me alone a trillion tears and there's more to come a trillion tears and there's more to come
5.
i miss you when the sun is out i miss you when i'm staying inside and it is raining outside i miss you when i try to go to sleep i just fucking miss you so goddamn much it's unbearable, all day long i miss you i miss you when the night sky is filled with night lights i miss you when the moon says hi i miss you when the stars shines bright
6.
to her i don't exist to her i'm a piece of shit to her i'm just a stranger walking by with a cigarette in my mouth keep away, keep away from that horrible bum keep away, keep away your gaze is burning me to her i never was good at anything to her i was a waste of time to me she was everything an angel that i hurt do i deserve to live?
7.
Mathea 00:51
why are you so beautiful? tears in my heart why are you so pretty? and even though it hurts saying it makes it worth and even though it hurts thinking about you feels right
8.
hold me close, close to you hide my face as i start to cry but what can i do when the fact is you're leaving, you're leaving i feel so down that i want to die but i got to hold on to hope i want to fight to get you back you're worth all of my time i want to give you what you deserve love and dance out in the rain while i kiss you, the girl i love the girl that i love the girl that i love but your train left and you were on so i walk alone on a long road i keep going till i find you again you again the girl that i love the girl that i love you again
9.
a little weak but i'm still standing without a heart to beat as i'm trying to take a step but i keep tripping over my own shoelaces god, i miss you while i'm sitting staring at the tv it's only static, well to me it is i don't know what's on i can barely function at anything these days i'm a lost case, turning lunatic because of love because of love
10.
11.
don't ask me 02:27
sitting on the sea you and me i start to sink while you're afloat above my head so i'm reaching for your hand but you say no i don't want you in this life no, your love isn't enough for me you're pathetic and afraid of sex you got problems that i can't fix yeah, you're not good enough for me you're pathetic, piece of shit you're nothing, why do you exist? well don't ask me i didn't ask to be like this don't ask me i don't want to be myself don't ask me don't ask me don't ask me don't ask me
12.
late at night or early morning it all looks the same when you're stuck inside of your room all alone in bed it's gotten to the point where i dream only about you and i think of you all day i even write you letters that are piled up in my drawer they talk about my day and how it would be if i could spend it with you i think i am in love, oh no i think i am in love, oh no i think i am in love, oh no i think i am blooming when i have these thoughts of you i am smiling your naked body is so pure you are the sun in my eyes oh, darling so sweet when i first saw you my heart skipped a beat and i got to kiss you at that party of mine it was my first ever kiss oh, it felt out of this world so what planet are you from? i need to visit that place and i think i am leaving today i think i am leaving today i think i am leaving today so goodbye to everyone i love you all so much i'm going to a place where love doesn't hurt i'm going to place where love is love
13.
still here if you want me listening to your favourite band they play oh so well i wish that i was them singing you to sleep calming your mind with my singing voice i sing to you this song is for you and not about you cause i sing only for you with love, beauty and heart i dress up with clothes you like just to sing this song cause this is for you and it's your day so have some fun cause you deserve it oh yes you do and you always have i sing this song for you
14.
15.
there's a boy who keeps to himself always smiling never says a word he walks alone away from home he has nowhere to go except to go, except to go one step after another his feet are moving slow slow with the wind slow and in love, in love, in love slow and in love, in love, in love slow and in love in love, in love, in love, in love, in love slow and in love, in love, in love slow and in love, in love, in love in love, in love, in love, in love, in love, in love he's slow cause he's in love he's slow cause he's in love he's slow, in love, in love, in love, in love he's slow cause he's in love and it won't stop
16.
17.
and you will always be living inside of me and you will always be living inside of me well how is it in there? is it as awful as i am on the outside? or is it beautiful, like you are
18.
i want a cat to take care of a replacement for a baby a cat that doesn't behave that likes to cuddle up in a warm place together with me, just you and me my little kitty cat my little kitty cat i smile as you scratch my hand cause that's the pain i like to feel when i can't feel anything else my little kitty cat my little kitty cat i'll name you Oliver and look at the moon with you you put a smile on my face my future kitty cat you put a smile on my face oh, future kitty cat oh, and if you wanna go just say so and if you wanna go i'll let you go and if you wanna go just say so and i'll let you go my little kitty cat my little kitty cat my little kitty cat
19.
you and me is all i see you and me together you and me, oh, can't you see that you and me are all that we need to be happy forever you and me is all i see when i close my eyes and the stars fills the sky the moon shines so bright oh, beautiful night for you and me dancing in the night you and me forever you and me, oh, can't you see that i love you i love you i love you
20.
love lie guy 01:55
she says that she loves me well, i know that's a lie she says that she does care but she goes to another guy and that really breaks my heart even more is that even possible at all? and the lights they turn on slow i'm feeling low i might try to kill myself but what does that do?
21.
i love you i love you i love you i love you but i don't want to i don't want to i don't want to i don't want to i don't want to i don't want to i don't want to i don't want to i love you i love you i love you i love you but i don't want to i don't want to i don't want to i don't want to i don't want to i don't want to i don't want to i don't want to i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you but i don't want to i don't want to i don't want to i don't want to i don't want to i don't want to no, i don't want to i don't
22.
wilting 00:41

credits

released June 19, 2020

Cover art by Fay Andreas

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